Nothing to report

Nothing to report. There is no news. I feel like I will never be matched with another little baby. I feel like I will never have another little boy call me " mama". I feel sad, pathetic, and angry. I watch families and I see how happy they are, and I long for that. I know that I should feel happy that I have a wonderful son, but I cannot help but feel sad for the child I lost, the one I was unable to adopt, and the fact that I have to go through this pain.
I bumped into an old friend from high school that I have not seen in about 18 years. She has 2 kids. When ever I introduce Adam to people, they always ask "just the one?" or something like that. Sometimes I tell them we are adopting....sometimes not. Today, I did not. I want to go to Russia. I want to meet my little "Sammy". I want to bring him home and hold him and tell him how much I love and want him.

I want to be happy.....like I was a few weeks ago.